Did I mention appendectomy?

David and I arrived at the hospital at 6am on Tuesday morning. We checked in, signed the remaining waivers and financial payment documents. They recorded my insurance information, checked my id and gave me two hospital bracelets (one for each arm). I joked with David that perhaps they suspected that my arms might be separated and therefore, I required two bracelets. We were then sent up to the In and Out Surgery Ward.

From the Ward's nurses station, I was sent into what appeared to be a regular hospital room with four beds. Since the room was empty and I had my choice of beds, David suggested that we select the bed closest to the window. On my bed sat a plastic bag with a stylish hospital gown, hospital robe and socks. David suggested getting undressed and prepared for surgery. I declined to get undressed immediately in a vain attempt to delay the inevitable. But as it approached 7am, I knew that the room's other occupants would be arriving soon (along with my doctors) and I should just get undressed and prepared for my 7:30am procedure.

Shortly thereafter, a nurse arrived and asked me to verify the procedure I was having, took my temperature and blood pressure. She asked about allergies and questioned me about what drugs I had taken recently. She reviewed the recommendations for an outpatient procedure including the drugs to take, prohibitions on drinking and activities to avoid. Then the anesthesiologist showed up. She also asked what procedure I was having, asked more questions about allergies and made additional post surgerical recommendations. She then went through her role in the surgerical process. She checked my heartbeat and thyroid and told me that I had a heart murmur and that my thyroid seemed slightly enlarged. She then started an IV, which she advised me would sting a little and burn a little (right on both counts).

Then Dr. NHB entered the room. He also asked me what procedure I was having (which, after three inquiries, seemed a bit bizarre to me) but as the anesthesiologist explained to us, they are concerned that patients are agreeing to procedures that they don't completely understand. The anesthesiologist informed Dr. NHB that I had a slightly enlarged thyroid and asked about my hormone levels. I guess they don't typically work together (or maybe don't get along?) b/c he seemed to sort of brush off her concerns, telling her that the information should be in my files. She retorted that gynos normally keep these kinds of records and Dr. NHB responded that the information should be in the files.

Finally, another nurse showed up to wheel me into the OR. David grabbed my bag with my clothing, cd player, wallet, cell phone etc. and asked whether he could walk with me to the OR. The nurse advised him that he wouldn't be able to walk with us for very long but he was welcome to join us. After what seemed like only a few steps out of the room and down the hallway, David was told he could not accompany us any farther.

My throat caught and my eyes began to fill with tears. I felt alone and I finally started to panic.

The nurse advised me that I would be given a sedative to settle me down. She then began making small talk about my career. This distraction was helpful and by the time we arrived at the OR, I had begun settling in. The room seemed so large and bright and filled with metal objects and machines. The nurse introduced me to a couple of women (doctors, nurses?), who would be assisting in the procedure. I was told to untie my gown and slide onto the operating table. Then the anesthesiologist appeared out of nowhere said something about the meds and I was off to slomberville. I can't remember counting or anything.

When I awoke Dr. NHB was standing over me, saying something about my appendix, but I thought I was delirious. Later, I awoke in recovery and Dr. NHB and David were talking to me. Dr. NHB told me that I had had stage 4 endo, and that my tubes, ovaries etc. had been "cemented" together with scar tissue. One of my fallopian tubes had been removed due to a hydrosalphix and the other tube appeared blocked (but had been left in my body) and yes, my appendix had been enlarged and had therefore been removed. The inside of my cervix had also been narrowed by scar tissue. He had also removed one of my fibroids, which was near my cervix. He said that given the endo, tubal issue, scar tissue, fibroids, etc., there was no way that we would have gotten pregnant on our own. Then Dr. NHB told us what we'd feared hearing -- Mr. "Anti-Voodoo" recommended that we go back to Ginormous Fertility Center and pursue IVF. He told us that was the extent of our options.

Later, David told me the story from his perspective -- how nervous he'd become when the surgery was taking much longer than we'd been advised. How Dr. NHB hurriedly showed him the pictures of my insides and told him that "his wife's pelvis was in pretty bad shape." And then how Dr. NHB rushed off to his next procedure, which had been scheduled for 10:30 am. He told me that he'd talked to his mom about his fears and concerns, while waiting for me to return. It seemed pretty awful from both sides.

So here we are -- dealing with our new reality. I am glad that there wasn't anything more serious wrong with me. I had started to worry that the unexplained pain in my side would be diagnosed as ovarian cancer and that I would need an emergency hysterectomy. Neither was the case. This isn't so bad. Also, I am recovering pretty well. I am walking around the house on my own and could conceivably return to work by Monday or Tuesday.

On the other hand, after we meet with Dr. NHB for our post op visit in two weeks to have our final questions answered, we are down to our final option for having our own child.

IVF is it.

I am so intimated by IVF. Can we handle it? What if it doesn't work? Is it too much for us to take on? Are we "not meant to" have children of our own? What about adoption? How did we get here?

Oh God, how did we get here?