Friday, June 24, 2005

A bird in the hand? Fear of the future? Or mindless babble?

Yesterday afternoon, I received a call from Dr. Patience's office informing me that my lap with Dr. Patience had been scheduled for July 13th. Hmmm, I hadn't realized that they would just schedule it without first contacting me . . . And of course, they are not completely aware of our seeking a second opinion.

As you may recall, David and I sought and received a second opinion from Dr. NHB. We decided that we'd have Dr. NHB perform the laparoscopy (perhaps b/c of his winning personality). Unfortunately, when I called Dr. NHB, he advised me that he would not be available to perform my lap until August 16th (mere days before my 35th birthday). To make matters worse, I can't actually schedule the lap until July 5th (he only schedules appointments 6 weeks in advance).

So here I am. Do I settle for Dr. Patience and get this whole laparoscopy thing behind us in less than a month or do we wait for Dr. NHB in August? If we are sticking with Dr. NHB, we'll have to inform Dr. Patience of our decision very soon, so that someone else will be able to take my appointment time. Decisions, decisions . . .

My biggest fear is that during the lap, the doctor (whichever doctor) will discover that both of my tubes are damaged and have to be removed. Of course, we will be sent straight to IVF land. Assuming I do have endometriosis (I know what happens when you assume), plus the odd assortment of cysts, fibroids, scar tissue, tube damage, etc. and will be 35, it is very likely that they will recommend moving straight to IVF anyway. And then what? Do we move forward?

IVF terrifies me and I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's the stims, needles, monitoring, etc. or if it's the fear that if it doesn't work, we are (I am) fresh out of options for a biological child. It almost feels like the end of the road and it just makes me want to cry. I know it's too early to assume the worst and of course, thousands of IVF babies are borne each year and I think I have the strength to do it, regardless of my fear of the outcome, but I just don't know . . .


At 8:08 AM, Anonymous thalia said...

having read through your blog, I think I would wait for doctor NHB. Being a plonker seems to be a bit of a prerequisite for being a good surgeon, as far as I can tell, so I wouldn't let that piss you off. And he sounds good and interventionist. I know it's a while to wait, but it's probably only 2 cycles, so not so long. Do you know your hormone levels? Because if FSH etc is fine, waiting 2 cycles is definitely not going to be a big deal

I'm scared of IVF too, but our sisters on line keep reassuring me that you get used to the injections etc. And if you think about what it does, it's just about probabilities. After your lap, assuming the tube is ok, you'll have approx a 15% chance of getting pregnant in any cycle. IVF will raise that to about 30%, ie doubling your chances. It's not a last resort, it's a probability enhancer.

Nice to 'meet' you

At 3:14 PM, Blogger Donna said...

During my lap my doc found a lot of scar tissue, adhesions and some endo, but found that under all that gook the tubes were fine. One step at a time. I would also wait for the doctor that you are more comfortable with.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Mony said...

Tough call.
It's hard to wait. Even though we should be experts at it by now.
July to August is not that big a wait, but I guess it's whatever your nerves can handle. Just waiting one day more can be excrutiating.
I hope you make your mind up without too much torture.

At 4:07 PM, Blogger Em said...

I know what you mean about IVF. It's that thing that happens to other people and now it is looming on the horizon.

At 5:43 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

I think if you guys were set with your decision to use Dr. NHB for the surgery, the scheduling of the surgery shouldn't be enough to sway the decision.

And I agree with Donna. Take things one step at a time. IVF may not be the next thing for you to pursue.

At 6:51 PM, Anonymous thisgirl said...

I would go with the doctor that you're most comfortable with and have the most confidence in....even if it means waiting.

I know why IVF scares you.....the same reason it scares the hell outta the rest of us....becasue IT'S SCARY! The needles, the money, the possible disappointment, it's all totally frightening.

At 8:28 PM, Blogger Internal Spring said...

Che Che,

What a tough choice, I'm not going make any suggestions other than you should trust your gut feeling on this. Who do you want making the recommendation about whether or not anything has to be removed? Who do you trust to make that call. The scheduling is short term, the outcome is for the rest of your life.

I agree w/ you that IVF is scary, I've been scared myself but I'm feeling pretty ready. It's a place you can get to. But I don't think at 35 you would be pushed towards IVF following your surgery if it's not absolutely necessary. If you are, then you can always change doctors / clinics again.

At 7:51 PM, Blogger ak1908 said...

Hi Chee-Chee,
I am so sorry you're faced with such a difficult decision. I would definitely go with your gut on this one. If you feel more confident in Dr. NHB, then the wait might be worth it. I'm wishing you well.
Skee-Wee- April (Life is B-U-TFul!)
PS- Can I link your blog to mine?

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Dramalish said...

Here's what I know:
From somewhere inside us comes the ability to choose the best option for us.
You will make the right decision for you, because YOU know what YOU need. If you can wait, stay with Dr. NHB. If you don't want to, I'm sure Dr. Patient will do a good job.
It comes down to what you're comfortable with. You know what you can live with and what you can't.

IVF *does* sound scary.. but if you have the means, don't be too frightened to try it. Many women on the board have said that it's not that huge a step up from the other procedures...
...just financially!

At 2:58 AM, Blogger Butterfly Queen said...

Sorry - I stumbled on to your blog after randomly clicking on other people's links... and I felt the need to comment.
I won't pretend to know what you're going through. I have not been through IVF. However, I have been an egg donor a few times, so I've gone through the cycles with the needles, the ultrasounds, the needles, the timed visits, the needles, lol. And I wanted to assure you, from a person paranoid of needles, that it isn't that bad. And for you, the end result will be the sweetest victory of your life. So hang in there, and hey, if you ever have questions for someone on the flip side of IVF land, I'd be happy to do my best at answering them. Best wishes.

At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Jill said...

Hi, Chee Chee. I hope that you soon can come to a decision that you feel peaceful about with regards to which doctor should do your lap.
Also, you're not the only one who is terrified of IVF. One of the treatment options my RE laid out in front of me earlier this year is IVF with PGD, but I don't know if I would ever be able to bring myself to go there, emotionally or financially. It is a wonderful, successful option for some people, but it's a big decision and a very personal one.

At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Jill said...

By the way, thanks for linking me on your blog!


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