Tuesday, July 12, 2005

As Good As It Gets?

Thanks for the well wishes! I am doing much better this week.

I even visited Uber and her baby.

And you know what . . .

I was fine.

I stayed for hours, held the baby, watched Uber breastfeed, and basically socialized like a normal individual. I asked appropriate questions and talked about a number of topics including babies. I was ok. The baby is very cute. She cooed, she cried. She fed (and fed and fed. In fact, I hadn't realized that someone so small could have such a large appetite.) Overall, I felt pretty good about the whole situation. I didn't run out of the hospital and burst into tears. (As I feared I might). I think I did a pretty good job!

Afterwards, I went to a restaurant (David was away on business) and watched a baseball game. I saddled up to the restaurant's bar and had a great meal and a drink, by myself. I even struck up a conversation with two women standing nearby. We talked about physical fitness and working out. (I'm pretty cool). This coming weekend I will head to NYC to visit my sister and my friends. While I await my turn at mommydom, I plan on enjoying myself as much as possible.

Thinking back to my evening with Uber, I am not sure why I felt so good. Was it because I was happy to simply share in a friend's joy rather than wallow in my own misery? (I hope that was the reason). Or was it because I am sure I can have a baby someday (although I may never actually give birth). Maybe the pregnancy of others bothers me more than the actual motherhood of others . . . who knows. Regardless of the reason, I am trying to better understand myself during my infertile era. I am working on enjoying the here and now and letting tomorrow take care of itself. I have a good life, a great husband, nice home and lots of family and friends . . . maybe that's as good as it gets for right now.

7 Comments:

At 12:41 PM, Blogger Suz said...

It might be. You know, I really have a hard time with birth announcements, baby showers, and everything connected with fertility, but when in the presence of an actual, real, live, baby, I'm okay. I'm more than okay, really. Maybe you were experiencing some of that, just how right it feels to hold one in your arms.

 
At 3:38 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

I'm glad you actually had a nice visit with Uber & baby. I'm not sure you'll ever know why; I find sometimes I'm perfectly fine and normal around pregnant women and babies and sometimes I can't stop crying. With my husband still out of town, I might very well copy you and head to a bar to watch a baseball game. You are right that we all should be continuing to have fun in the here and now.

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Donna said...

The definition of happiness is wanting what you have. I am hopeful that I can master this, at some point. I had lunch with a very pregnant friend yesterday and I was fine, she was so uncomfortable I actually felt sorry for her a little. It never ceases to amaze me how many IF'ers have these great lives filled with wonderful friends and husbands. We should feel lucky, but I know that's the hardest thing to do.

 
At 6:42 PM, Blogger Em said...

That's encouraging for me. We are seeing dome of our closest friends soon. Three kids and one on the way. Pregnant just brushing past each other. If I am mentally and spiritually prepared, I am ok. Great to hear you are doing good and having fun.

 
At 9:18 PM, Blogger K said...

Sounds like you made it through the visit with flying colors. Congratulations!

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger ak1908 said...

Chee Chee,
What a great way to look at things. We were in similar situations this week with close friends delivering and feeling that wonderful thing called joy for our friends. I am confident that our day will come when we will be mommies (one way or another) and until then, it is perfectly ok to feel joy for others. What a trooper!!!

PS- are you feeling better?

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger K|nneret said...

Hey Cheech, hope you're feeling better . I'm glad the visit went so well. Lunch or coffee soon? I have Thursday off this week, otherwise we could do something after 6?

 

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