As Good As It Gets?

Thanks for the well wishes! I am doing much better this week.

I even visited Uber and her baby.

And you know what . . .

I was fine.

I stayed for hours, held the baby, watched Uber breastfeed, and basically socialized like a normal individual. I asked appropriate questions and talked about a number of topics including babies. I was ok. The baby is very cute. She cooed, she cried. She fed (and fed and fed. In fact, I hadn't realized that someone so small could have such a large appetite.) Overall, I felt pretty good about the whole situation. I didn't run out of the hospital and burst into tears. (As I feared I might). I think I did a pretty good job!

Afterwards, I went to a restaurant (David was away on business) and watched a baseball game. I saddled up to the restaurant's bar and had a great meal and a drink, by myself. I even struck up a conversation with two women standing nearby. We talked about physical fitness and working out. (I'm pretty cool). This coming weekend I will head to NYC to visit my sister and my friends. While I await my turn at mommydom, I plan on enjoying myself as much as possible.

Thinking back to my evening with Uber, I am not sure why I felt so good. Was it because I was happy to simply share in a friend's joy rather than wallow in my own misery? (I hope that was the reason). Or was it because I am sure I can have a baby someday (although I may never actually give birth). Maybe the pregnancy of others bothers me more than the actual motherhood of others . . . who knows. Regardless of the reason, I am trying to better understand myself during my infertile era. I am working on enjoying the here and now and letting tomorrow take care of itself. I have a good life, a great husband, nice home and lots of family and friends . . . maybe that's as good as it gets for right now.