Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I made it through the wilderness . . .

No -- not the wilderness of infertility (you haven't missed any posts, I'm still firmly planted in that jungle), the baby shower for Uber! You may recall, dear readers, that I thought I was off the hook with any involvement, (other than as guest) in my dear friend Uber's shower. How wrong I was! Other than purchasing, printing and mailing the invitations, I was enlisted to provide a few items for the event.

So last Saturday morning/afternoon, I raced around the baby store (yes, I entered the domain of the preggos), and bought a gift (it's so non-baby, that I probably should have purchased something else.) What is it? OK -- you dragged it out of me -- it's a rocking chair cushion and hey, they registered for it! It was in the furniture department. I simply couldn't do the cuties clothing/toy thing. Just being in the store made me a bit queasy. And yes, I know that I could (and should) have ordered a gift online but I kept procrastinating and finally had to buy something or show up empty-handed. Well, I guess I wouldn't have been empty-handed.

From the baby store, I went to a few grocery stores, the party supply store and a large discount store and purchased paper and plasticware, ice, cakes, cookies, garbage bags, foil, etc. I finally arrived at the shower an hour late and more than a bit frantic and out of breath. Fortunately, when I got there only 2-3 of the guests were present. (And the hosts had some paper plates/utensils - so no one was sitting around hungry, waiting for me).

And I will admit that my responsibilities ended as soon as my carload of goodies was taken into the house. Mr. Uber did all of the bbqing. (Not bad). Others brought side dishes. The hosts of the party had a large deck/patio, which was perfect for entertaining (and considerably larger than our backyard/patio). In total, about 30 guests attended.

I declined to attend Uber's girly baby shower on the prior Saturday, using my responsibilities for the co-ed shower as my excuse. And I must admit, as far as showers go, this was the right one for me! There was no gift opening, no silly games, no decorations, nothing girly at all! Instead, this was a bbq, with a couple of preggos, where people happened to bring gifts. The weather was great! I saw some friends that I hadn't seen in a while, met some new folks and had a pretty good time.

In fact, I think I may have encountered "one of us" in their midsts. This particular person and her husband (I'll call them Ann and Bob) attend most of Uber's events. So I know both Ann and Bob but I wouldn't call them my friends. They have been married for a while (maybe 4 years) and have no children. (I know, I know, you think I'm jumping to conclusions.) But get this -- during the course of a conversation, Ann asked another couple if they had children, the couple responded that they don't. She then said something about "having children, God-willing" and looked pretty disconsolate. Watch out Sherlock Holmes, I'm the infertile detective!

I emailed Uber yesterday to find out if she knew whether Ann and Bob are having trouble conceiving or if I had simply been imagining things. She assured me that I had probably heard correctly (which was a relief - I don't want to become the person, who starts hearing mutterings of infertility during conversations when none are actually being made!) and that she knows that Ann and Bob have been trying for a while. Uber also informed me that during previous phone conversations, Bob has made statements indicating that he and Ann were having fertility issues but did not go into the specifics of their situation.

So I got Ann's phone number and email address from Uber and I think I will contact her. I am not sure what type of support system she has but I know how difficult this journey is and no one should have to go through it alone. I think I'll send her an email, that way if she doesn't feel comfortable discussing the issue, she can simply not respond. A phone call seems pretty bold and may not be well received.

What do you think? Would you welcome an email from an acquaintance sharing experiences about infertility or would it just weird you out? Hmmm, maybe that's a dumb question since we are all sharing infertility experiences with acquaintances/cybersisters online, but let me know what you think anyway.


At 5:45 PM, Blogger Em said...

I can turn fertility detective as well. I think you should scope out the situation first with Ann but I am sure that she would appreciate someone to talk to.

At 6:04 PM, Blogger Jamila said...

I would definitely advise sending an email over calling, so she can feel free to ignore you or thoughtfully ponder her answer. Maybe something along the lines of "I think I overheard something at the shower regarding your difficulty conceiving? If I heard correctly, I just wanted to let you know that I am having trouble too and I'd welcome the chance to talk with you about it, if you'd like."

At 6:47 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

I think an e-mail is a great idea. She very well might love the idea of getting together for coffee and commiserating or comparing doctor's notes. And if she doesn't, she won't respond. Yeah for you for surviving the shower!

At 3:17 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

Chee Chee - wanted to thank you for your recommendation to contact the RE or his nurse. The nurse called me back and just said to buy some monistat. Bring on more suppositories!

At 8:42 PM, Blogger Internal Spring said...

I would welcome the email because infertility is so damn lonely. But sometimes it can also feel very private so be sensitive - which I'm sure you will be.

At 12:06 AM, Anonymous thisgirl said...

I had an acquaintance email me when she found out through a mutual friend that we were having trouble. I wasn't offended at all. In fact, I totally welcomed having another "real" friend as opposed to my imaginary ones in the computer. I say do it.


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