Sunday, October 23, 2005

Hiding out

I have spent much of the last couple of weeks in hiding. I haven't responded to many emails, phone calls and I've been neglecting my blog and those of my fellow bloggers. I am so sorry. I have been in a very low place. I have been to multiple doctors' appointments - Dr. L reviewed my HSG results and said that I don't have a hydro and suggested that we could proceed with the IVF cycle. A radiologist, at an independent lab that Dr. NHB recommended, suggested that, based on her view of my u/s and my description of the HSG, I may have a hydro. I am assuming that Dr. L is correct about the HSG/hydro and that we shouldn't worry about the weird fluid. One concern out of the way . . . sort of.

The next issue is the pain. I am still having back pain, cramping and nausea. I had hoped that these issues would have resolved themselves by now but they haven't. I spoke with Dr. L about my concerns and he agreed that it might be a good idea to postpone the IVF cycle until I'm feeling up to it, maybe for a month or two. He suggested that I have Dr. NHB address any pain and gyno issues since an IF clinic isn't equipt to do it. I am hoping that I'll be feeling up to cycling soon. I don't want to begin an IVF cycle while I'm taking painkillers daily. I think that things will only get worse while I'm stimming.

So I finished my BCPs yesterday. I didn't take any Lupron and I won't be starting stims by the end of this week. I am having my kidneys checked, blood and urine tested, being X-rayed and am hoping that my health issue will be resolved soon. Personally, I think the issue is the endo and if that's the problem, I'm not sure how to solve it. I am trying to meet with an endo specialist or two. If anyone has a suggestion in the DC or NY areas, I'd really appreciate it.

I've felt like I am running around in circles with no hope of finding my way out. I feel like everyday brings another frustration, another delay, more hesitation. I hate living this way. I feel like we'll never get to my sweet baby. NEVER. Maybe it just isn't in the cards for us.

35 Comments:

At 3:03 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

It sounds like you are going through a really miserable time. I wish there was something we all could do to help. We are here for you, perhaps that's all we can do.

It does sound like seeing another doc is a good idea, perhaps also about the HSG? How does Dr L explain that odd result? I hope someone comes up with a recommendation for you.

I will keep on checking in.

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger Donna said...

Pain is never something to be ignored, it is a signal your body is sending that says SOMETHING IS WRONG. I am glad that you are holding back on introducing more stress to your system until you have resolved whatever is going on. I'm sorry, the brutal truth is sometimes it takes a while for a correct diagnosis. Take care of yourself.

 
At 12:08 AM, Blogger Nico said...

I am so sorry you're going through all this.

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger zhl said...

Chee Chee, the unexplained pain thing sucks. Without wanting to add to your load, you might want to consider seeing a gastroenterologist or bring it up with your gyn. I was having cramps and pain for months and my RE just kind of blew it off until I told him I was leaving him for another RE. He finally sent me to the GI doctor, who said that lots of gynecological pain is actually mis-diagnosed irritable bowel syndrome. Now I don't have some of the traditional systems like diarrhea and constipation but the pain could be a spastic colon. I'm now taking some meds and drinking a glass full of Citrucil (boy, did I feel like a granny buying that). But I've found some relief.

Unfortunately, the only known causes of IBS are caffeine and stress. Haven't figure out how to be infertile and not have the latter.

Hope this isn't too much assvice. Good luck, and I hope you find some relief.

 
At 12:11 PM, Anonymous thisgirl said...

You'll get to that sweet baby. You will.

Not knowing for sure what the hell the problem is is the worst part of all this. At least when the problem has been accurately identified there somewhere to go from. 'Unexplained' sucks the big one.

So sorry your feeling down in the dumps, hope you feel better soon.

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Whatever the problem is, it is better to address it first than plunge into the IVF. It is way too much expense, both financially and emotionally not to be fully ready.

I know, I know, we all want to be PG like yesterday and the hurdles can seem interminable but you can get through this.

 
At 5:18 PM, Blogger Spanglish said...

I wish there was something I could offer or say to make you feel a little better. Please know you're in my thoughts.

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger Larisa said...

I wish I could make you feel better, or offer some good advice. I hope that the doctors can agree and give you some answers ASAP.

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger k #2 said...

Oh, Chee Chee. Nothing is worse than that spiral of unknown -- when you feel like you are spinning round and round, getting sent to different doctors and seemingly ending up in the same place. Add in your pain, and it makes it even more frustrating. I hope that you feel better soon. I am thinking of you.

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger April said...

Chee Chee,

My heart is with you right now. I can't believe you're having to deal with so much. I wish that there was something more substantial that I could do to alleviate your pain (both physical and emotional).

If there is, please let us know. In the meantime, know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger Em said...

I hate the unknown. It is the crappest thing about IF. In all other areas of my life I love not knowing what is going to happen but with the baby thing - NO WAY!
Keep trying for that sweet baby.

 
At 3:48 PM, Anonymous Jill said...

It sounds like you are feeling really down and hopeless, and I am so sorry, Chee Chee. You really are going through a crap time, and I wish that it wasn't so. The infertility stuff is hard enough without the pain, cramping, and nausea. Ugh. I hope and pray that you start feeling better soon both physically and emotionally.

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger fisher queen said...

I'm sorry. Why does this have to be so complicated?

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger zhl said...

Maybe you're still hiding out, which is fine. (I've fully embraced my hermit status.) I just wanted you to know I'm hoping your tests went okay. Let us know when you can.

 
At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Jill said...

It has been a while since you posted, so I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that you're okay.

 
At 4:47 AM, Blogger Ova Girl said...

chee chee I'm so sorry.It's hidious to have to keep waiting but these girls are right, everything has to be tip top first. Hope you get some answers and relief very soon.

 
At 12:11 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

Chee chee I'm just checking in to see how you are. Hoping that the hiding out is a good thing for you.

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Nico said...

Thinking of you, and hope that you're doing as well as you can, given all this crap.

 
At 7:24 PM, Blogger April said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. You've been in my thoughts a lot.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

Chee -
As a fellow recluse, I just wanted to pop out of hiding to say I'm sorry you're going through such a bad time - and sorry for the actual pain. This whole thing is emotionally painful enough - the last thing you need are physical symptoms too. I so hope you get some answers and a cure. One step at a time.

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger Ova Girl said...

Chee Chee, also checking in to say I am thinking of you.

 
At 7:39 PM, Blogger Dramalish said...

Missing you, CheeChee, and hoping that the hiding is helping you to deal in whatever way needed.

Hang in there.
We're still here for you.
-D.

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger Jamila said...

thinking of you, chee. Hoping you're doing OK.

 
At 2:22 AM, Blogger Mony said...

Chee-ch!
It's been a long time girlfriend.
Thrill us with an entry....miss you.

 
At 3:18 PM, Anonymous Jill said...

I'm thinking of you, Chee Chee, and hoping that you're okay.

 
At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Avonlea f/k/a InSpring said...

It's important to take care of whatever the problem is and address whatever is wrong, I think it's great that you're taking care of yourself this way. It's painful, but it's the most responsible thing you can do.

Delays are tough. I understand that you don't feel like you'll get there, but I'm sure you will. We'll believe for you when it's hard for you to, okay? That's our contractual pact.

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger M said...

I know you don't know me...but I'm in the DC area and seeing a wonderful RE named Dr. Sharara and the Virginia Center for Reproductive Medicine. I highly recommend him.

 
At 5:23 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

I hope you're ok. Let us know how you are sometime, sweetie.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger K|nneret said...

Thinking of you, Cheech. I';m here if you need a shoulder.

 
At 9:58 PM, Anonymous HoldingPattern said...

Where are you chee chee?

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

Stopped by to wish you a happy new year. Thinking of you. Hoping that 2006 is better.

 
At 11:54 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

Chee - Just a reminder we're here thinking of you and wishing you good things. Hugs.

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger Maya said...

I just found your blog. I am sorry. I searched for IVF and burst appendix because that is what I am dealing with. I too have been TTC for 4 yrs. I had a burst appendix 3.5 years ago and resulting scar tissue. It seems that you have not blogged for a while. I hope that you are alright.

 
At 9:56 PM, Blogger Maya said...

I forgot to mention that I had had some pain that I just mentioned to my gyno this week. This is the first time I was informed that abdominal pain was common for burst appendix because of the scar tissue. You probab ly already know this, but I thought I throw that out there just in case.

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

Chee!!! I was so excited to see your comment on my blog. HOW ARE YOU??? Let us know! We're all thinking of you!

 

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