Friday, July 29, 2005

East v. West

On Wednesday evening, I attended a mixer hosted by a local acupunturist, Eve, who specializes in infertility. (Ann, who has been going to Eve for the past few couple of months, told me about the event but she was not able to attend herself.) So I (never the fearful little infertile) was off on my own. Upon my arrival, Eve gave me a tour of the facility, which includes a work-out room with personal trainers, tai chi/yoga/meditation room, acupuncture room, massage room, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. It can best be described as a wellness center.

Eve's plan had been to have women (and couples) dealing with infertility meet and connect with one another. Unfortunately, the turnout was very small (I was one of three attendees). We introduced ourselves, talked about our conditions and our plans going forward. Following the introductions, we practiced meditation techniques to reduce the impact of stress on our bodies and minds. Although it was kind of new agey to me, I enjoyed it. The other attendees, Cathy and Diane, seemed very nice. Cathy and I exchanged information and promised to keep in touch. She is going through an IVF cycle and is going in for her beta next Monday. She, like all of us, has suffered a great deal with IF and I am really hoping that next week brings her positive news.

Eve has a very different attitude about treatment than my current acupuncturist, Frank, whom I've been seeing since April. Frank is nice and new agey (picture a 60ish hippy type, complete with balding head and grey ponytail). He seems to think that the Chinese herbs are a great idea for me and has recommended them highly (he also sells them himself). Eve, on the other hand, is more of a "do-what-you-need-to-do, follow your heart, if you are interested in herbs, I'll recommend an herbalist" kind of person. She also seemed to know more about infertility. She spoke knowledgeably about IVF, and other treatments and the concerns that REs often have about herbs. Frank seems to have a more general knowledge of infertility treatment. Don't get me wrong, of course Frank knows what points correlate with which body parts/condition (and I think my cycles have even gotten longer recently -- going from 25-26 days to 28 days) but I am wondering if it would be better to switch to an acupuncturist with more specialized knowledge. Frank shares offices with his wife and he only does acupuncture, rather than fitness and other types of wellness like Eve. The other factors are that Eve is $10 more per session and farther from my home and office. I just don't know whether to change.

In other news, this morning David and I had our pre-op visit with Dr. NHB. I gave urine and blood samples. And then Dr. NHB went over exactly what he plans to do during my August 9th procedure:

1. hysteroscopy - checking uterus and tubes
2. d&c to remove any thickened or abnormal tissue, including endometriosis
3. possible myomectomy
4. possible salpingectomy, if hydrosalpinx is present or tube is otherwise seriously defective
5. laparascopy
6. removal of hemorragic cysts.

I think (hope) that covers it. He plans to do the least invasive procedure possible (says him), removing only what is absolutely necessary. I also signed the waivers, stating that I understand the possible risks of the procedure. Dr. NHB highligted punctures and infections as the primary risks with this type of procedure -- great, like I don't have enough to worry about.

Two weeks after the procedure, we'll go in for a post-op visit and Dr. NHB will give us his thoughts on how best to proceed. Dr. NHB is anti-IF treatment; so unless both tubes are damaged, he is unlikely to recommend that we return to the REs at Ginormous Fertility Clinic. David and I will then have to decide where to go from there. Of course, I am jumping ahead of myself. I just need to get through the next few weeks and then we'll see what's next.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The answer for me is -- just slightly more than half and other exciting news.

Congrats to our newly pregnant IF cybersisters -- PJ, Donnie,& Suz! I'm pulling for you all!

I am anxiously awaiting my pre-op visit on Friday morning. It seems like we have been waiting forever for my lap but now it's only two weeks away. I can't wait to have some questions answered and get off the bench and back into the babymaking game!

BTW - check out The Grateful Distraction Book Club. We are reading two books this time around -- Love by Toni Morrison and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by JK Rowling. In fact, a lively discussion about the Harry Potter book has already begun!

Finally, I got this quiz from PJ's blog. Thanks PJ! Check it out. Hmm, 54% American is probably about right for me as my parents are both foreign born.

You Are 54% American

Most times you are proud to be an American.
Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe
Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.
You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Feelin' Groovy

I spent last weekend in the Big Apple. I arrived in NYC on Friday evening and met my sister and her boyfriend for dinner. From there, I headed Uptown and caught up with some college friends and crashed for the evening. On Saturday afternoon, I attended my sister and her boyfriend's BIG 3-0 party with about 15 of their friends and family at their favorite local watering hole. From the bar, we wandered into shops, hung out at a chic wine bar, ate sushi and gelato and headed to a series of bars after that. (BTW -- I'm getting a bit old for all of the bar hopping and ultimately bailed out early - 11:00 pm).

One of my oldest and dearest friends in the world joined us for the party and spent the day trolling the City with us. It was awesome to see her. I also caught up with a law school friend, who got married a year after David and I and, of course, is newly pregnant. She and her husband started trying at the beginning of this year. She is still skinny as a rail and doing well. Good for her!

I love going up to New York. I am always so excited to see and do (and buy) everything possible! I am originally from New York and I love spending time with my friends and family, who still live there. I had a great time and need to try to visit more often.

Many of my friends in NY (and elsewhere) are still single and seeing them gives me a different perspective on marriage and family. They are still hoping to find that special someone to settle down with and start a family. I am fortunate to have overcome that initial hurdle and to have found someone to love and cherish regardless of what life throws our way. I am truly grateful for that. I don't envy my single friends, who are still looking for love -- online, in bars, at grocery stores, churches etc. Life is a long road and it is great to have found a companion in David to share it with.

In other news, Ann and I caught up last week. As I suspected, she and her husband have been trying for years, have had multiple failed treatment cycles, including a failed IVF cycle. She was depressed and frustrated. Like so many of us, she simply wants a child to complete her family. My heart really went out to her. We promised to keep in touch and perhaps have lunch or dinner sometime in the future.

That's all for now. Good luck to everyone cycling. And thanks for checking in on me. I'm feeling fine!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

As Good As It Gets?

Thanks for the well wishes! I am doing much better this week.

I even visited Uber and her baby.

And you know what . . .

I was fine.

I stayed for hours, held the baby, watched Uber breastfeed, and basically socialized like a normal individual. I asked appropriate questions and talked about a number of topics including babies. I was ok. The baby is very cute. She cooed, she cried. She fed (and fed and fed. In fact, I hadn't realized that someone so small could have such a large appetite.) Overall, I felt pretty good about the whole situation. I didn't run out of the hospital and burst into tears. (As I feared I might). I think I did a pretty good job!

Afterwards, I went to a restaurant (David was away on business) and watched a baseball game. I saddled up to the restaurant's bar and had a great meal and a drink, by myself. I even struck up a conversation with two women standing nearby. We talked about physical fitness and working out. (I'm pretty cool). This coming weekend I will head to NYC to visit my sister and my friends. While I await my turn at mommydom, I plan on enjoying myself as much as possible.

Thinking back to my evening with Uber, I am not sure why I felt so good. Was it because I was happy to simply share in a friend's joy rather than wallow in my own misery? (I hope that was the reason). Or was it because I am sure I can have a baby someday (although I may never actually give birth). Maybe the pregnancy of others bothers me more than the actual motherhood of others . . . who knows. Regardless of the reason, I am trying to better understand myself during my infertile era. I am working on enjoying the here and now and letting tomorrow take care of itself. I have a good life, a great husband, nice home and lots of family and friends . . . maybe that's as good as it gets for right now.

Friday, July 08, 2005

A Big Week

Here are a few exciting events of the week in my world:

1) Baby Uber was borne on Wednesday. Both mommy and baby are doing well.

2) My little sister turned 30!

3) I've spent much of this week spralled out in pain. My periods are becoming unbearable. I made an emergency visit to Dr. Patience yesterday and he suggested that my endometriosis is probably worsening. He recommended upping my intact of painkillers (he even mentioned naurotics!) and taking it easy.

Oh and we were able to move my lap to August 9th.